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Month: July 2015

Why you should create space

Do You Create Space in Your Life?

There’s a saying that goes, ‘the universe abhors a vacuum.’ If there is space, then that will create space for what it is that you’re trying to attract into your life, so that it can actually come into your life.

Declutter Your Home and Life

There are a couple of things that I suggest you do to help create space and to start to make room for the things you desire to have in your life. The first one is something that’s a common solution to many problems. Many of us have heard of this concept: decluttering.

Declutter your house, your desk drawers, your wardrobe, your kitchen cupboards, wherever it is that there’s clutter. Because wherever there’s clutter, it’s just clogging up space that’s making it less than possible for things to come into your life.

In particular, declutter areas where you’re looking to have something changed.

If you’re looking for something new in your office, something new in your room, or a few new clothes for the season, declutter and get rid of the things you don’t use or wear any more. Just declutter your room, closet or wardrobe. Because that will actually begin to create that space for the new things to come in. The other thing that happens when you declutter, is that you’re actually releasing that flow of energy. You can feel it when your house is tidy. When your house is decluttered, it feels a lot less stressful, freer and more open.

Right before last Christmas, I actually decluttered a few kitchen cupboards, a little cupboard that was under my stairs and the desk drawers. None of those things were visible.

Yet when my daughter walked into the house at Christmas, she said, ‘Oh the energy here feels different.’ She could feel the difference and yet none of the things that we had decluttered were visible. It really just goes to show you that if you release that energy then new things will come into your life. When I actually decluttered my desk, I ended up getting a brand new desk for an incredible price. My office has now been set up in a way that makes it so much more efficient to work in.

Create Space for Yourself

The second part of creating space is for you. What are you doing for yourself? Are you creating space for yourself internally? Because you need to disconnect from the online, hard-wired world as there’s so many things coming through to us. They come through the news, through computers, through conversations, the hustle and bustle of when we’re out and shopping, or whatever. What are you doing to create space for yourself? Do you give yourself time to just sit and reflect? Do you take time to just quiet your mind down? Meditation helps with that sometimes. For me the beach does it. The beach is quite a restorative place. What is it that you can do to create space internally for you to take away that white noise that just keeps running through your mind? What can you do to really help you centre yourself and really start to think about what it is that you want? What is it that you’ve already achieved? Do you have those moments of reflection?

Creating Space in Your Diary

The third one is a fun one. It’s actually about creating space either in your diary, or your home. It’s about making room physically for something that you want. People will often suggest this. Let’s say you want to go to Hawaii next year in June. Well put that in your diary! Pick out the week that you want to go there and write it in your diary. Hawaii trip. What you’ve done is you’ve created space in your diary for that and you’ve put it there and have made it a real intention to the universe that you’re actually going to go there.

Now you may not have the money, so I always suggest to people, not to go out and buy the tickets when they do this. There’s no point in extending yourself financially. However, there are a lot of things you can do to create that space. For example, you can buy a travel guide about Hawaii. You can also look up hotels online and see which one you’d like to stay at. Someone might say to you after you’ve done this, ‘Oh, you know, we’re going to a wine festival next June, do you want to join us?’ And you’ll be able to say, ‘Actually, no, I’m going to be away.’

So create space in your diary for things that you want to do and what you’ll find is that when you continue to work towards that, opportunities, finances and a whole range of things will come across your path that will make that possible.

Create Space for People

Another really fun story was of a single woman who actually wanted to manifest a partner; attract a partner in her life. She had a two-car garage and one side was really cluttered and filled and the other side was for her car. So she decluttered that side that was filled with a whole bunch of stuff and she made it empty and she said, ‘This will be the one for my new partner.’

I can’t remember how long it took, but within just a short while, she attracted the partner to her life, they got married and his car was parked under the garage in the space that she had cleared.

Other people have done that, you know, with a blank picture frame for someone who they wanted to have in their life. There’s a whole range of ways you can create space and as you create space, then you’re actually making room for the things that you want in your life.

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Have fun with it! Go out and think of how you can create space and have a lot of fun with it and then watch those things start coming into your life.

Where will you start to create space?

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Boomerang boundaries

Boomerang Boundaries – How to Set Boundaries and Not Feel Guilty

It’s the mid way point in the year and a great time to celebrate our successes so far, review our challenges and plan what we need to do moving forward. Something that can be a big barrier to many of us either in business, our workplaces or our families, is setting boundaries. This month’s newsletter is all about the who, what, where and how of setting boundaries and keeping them from boomeranging back to us!

Have you ever set ‘boomerang boundaries’? You know, the types of boundaries that you set, and then a few weeks, a few months later, you just kind of let that boundary drop. You probably did this because you started to question whether you did the right thing, whether you were in the right or wrong. You started to second guess your initial feelings and give in to guilt and other thoughts that you believe are your reason speaking to you.

I recently spoke to a group of women who are senior managers and a few of them raised the challenge of setting a boundary…..and keeping it!  I realised I and many I know have the same challenge. So this video (transcript below if  you’d rather read it) is about how to stop boomerang boundaries.

You may also find my blog post When do you walk away helpful in deciding when, how and why to set boundaries–and how sometimes it is not easy! Click on the title or click here to read it.

The Three Reasons Why We Let Our Guard Down

There are three things that I often apply when I set boundaries. Believe me, these have often turned out to be boomerang boundaries in the end. Just recently, in the last few months I’ve done the same thing. But I am learning! Perhaps a slow learner, but I am learning.

Looking At Patterns

The first reason we do this is we forget to remind ourselves of the pattern of behaviour that led us to set that boundary in the first place.There was a pattern that we noticed over a series of weeks, months or years, where you might have some good interactions with the person, but it always just seems like there’s a little bit of a resentment, undermining or continued taking advantage of your goodwill-and we forget about that and wonder if we are being unfair. And of course, as we drop the boundary, we re-experience why we set it in the first place.

Sometimes with workplace colleagues or a manager, we can’t walk away, but we can set boundaries that show self respect while also respecting the other person.

Observe Your Feelings

The second reason we renege on our initial desire to set the boundary is that we forgot our initial feelings. How do you feel when you’re around that person? We’re often told to not trust our emotions, but there’s a lot of science about the vibrations that go out from our heart and our brain. We actually do pick up signals from that other person!

There may be a person that’s speaking in a very friendly manner to you – their words are very supportive. However, you just get this sense that there’s something not genuine about their words. This happened to me with a person I’ve known for a couple of years. I actively supported and promoted them in many ways. Often my support was returned with silence or petty digs instead of thanks. I now see I was ‘overgiving’.

Sometimes this person said really supportive words to me, but my gut was telling me that there’s something not right here-and their actions and behaviours often told me a different story. Some of their words hinted that they were trying to compete with me or somehow felt they had to send petty digs my way that were unconstructive. My gut was telling me to walk away.

In the end it took me a long time and I would set what I’m calling boomerang boundaries here. I would set a boundary and then I’d kind of go back and support them, support their business, use some of their services. But there just seemed to be something there that made me think, ‘This is not right!’ But in the end I received a huge, strong message from the universe -in a very humorous way-saying, ‘Linda, you’ve done everything you can. You are actually reading it right and so really, set the boundary with this person and stop bringing their energy into your life.’

 Ignore the Guilt

The third reason we go back on our boundaries is because we’re feeling guilty. Sometimes you can feel guilty when you set boundaries with people and what can happen is that they sense that you’ve set the boundaries. They’ve sensed that you’re being firm with them. They’ll come back as nice as they can be to you. And you sometimes can be confused even though in the back of your mind there is still that nagging sense of insincerity.

One of the other things that can happen, especially on social media, is there may be a few other people that support that person and say, ‘They’re so great… they’re so wonderful.’ This is happening with this person that I’ve set boundaries with. For a moment I ended up thinking, maybe I’m reading it wrong. But then I thought, ‘No, my relationship with that person has been that way for some reason.’ They’ve had some resentment, or shown some toxic competitiveness, or something that just makes our interactions, when they seem friendly, somehow incongruent. There’s some undercurrent there that I’m no longer going to be a part of. Therefore it’s really important to be sure that it’s not a false guilt.

I also checked in with a friend who is very honest with me-to be sure I was not being unfair,unkind or overlooking something. I know she’s very insightful about things. When I shared my experience with her, and mentioned that I was thinking about purchasing one more service from that person, my friend said, ‘Absolutely not! Don’t you see the pattern here? You know, you need to just see the pattern here and just say, end of story.’ It was really helpful to consult with my friend, because sometimes you kind of keep second guessing yourself.

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So if you do set boomerang boundaries, first of all don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel like you’re being a weak person. I think most of us set boomerang boundaries from time to time, but just learn from the experience. Think about what the pattern is, what you are feeling. Decide whether you sense something not quite right with your experience with that person. Decide whether you are feeling guilty and whether it is false guilt.

I think what you’ll find is that as you start to set boundaries more and more, it becomes easier to do. As you’ve set boundaries and released that person and that situation you were in, you’ll have such a sense of freedom.

As a result, you’ll create room for more appropriate people to come into your life.

In 2012 I wrote a blog post When do you walk away which gives more insight into when, how and why to set boundaries–and how sometimes it is not easy! Click on the title or click here to read it.

What are your thoughts?

WORTH CHECKING OUT

Are you ready to enter your Second Act?

You know, that time when you’ve gained experience, wisdom and life history that you now want to use to transition to doing what you’ve always wanted to do. Angela Raspass has developed inspiring and motivating resources, coaching and groups to help people discover and then enter their Second Act. I am priviledged to be joined by a number of amazing women who have successfully entered their second act and will share their wisdom, experiences and ups and downs as they broke through to their second act. Click on the button below to get more information and register for the free Second Act Success Summit.

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Visualising vs taking action: how do you choose?

 

Action with Visualisation

Many people ask me about the contrasts between believing something, visualising it and then actually doing something about that thing. They wonder, are you actually supposed to do something or do you just wait for it to happen of its own accord?

I think you need to do a bit of both. You need to believe and then you need to take inspired action.

Believing in Visualisation

There’s certainly a lot of science now, either neuroscience, metaphysics, quantum physics or psychology, which demonstrate that when we repeatedly think a thought and when we put belief and emotion into it, then we actually do start attracting what we want into our life.

It’s about repeating a thought. So if you’re thinking a negative thought, such as, ‘Oh the house is going to burn down,’ that doesn’t mean that the house is suddenly going to catch on fire. However, if you keep repeating that thought and you keep thinking it consistently, you start to believe it, and then it might just happen anyway. It’s the same with the positive things. If you keep on believing in them and you know that you’re always thinking about them, then there’s a greater chance that they might actually happen.

That’s the most important part of it. Visualising is believing. Part of that is knowing that you sometimes visualise things that are not within your realm of possibility at the moment. It might be something that has to happen from other resources that have to come your way from things you could not have orchestrated.

However, I really believe that you were put here to co-create with the universe or with God or whatever you want to call it. We’ve been given skills and passions that we were put here to use and to express as our gift to the world. To use those passions and gifts, we feel fulfilled, so things will come full circle. We feel fulfilled because we’re helping other people. We’re serving other people and we’re encouraging them and it all just kind of wraps together in one beautiful picture.

Putting Your Need to Co-Create Out There

The first part is to think about what it is that you love to do. The whole idea about co-creating is that sometimes people say, ‘I put it out there, so now I’ve just sat back in my lounge or sofa and I’m just waiting for the doorbell to ring and it will come my way.’

Sometimes that might happen, but generally we’re given ideas and thoughts to proceed with and then we take that inspired action, which is to use our gifts and our skills. One of the best examples of the difference between thinking and acting and how you’ve got to do both, is plants. There are people who grow plants that will often say to you that if you talk to plants that will help them grow.

Making Things Thrive Through Intention and Action

When I was growing up my mother always used to talk to her plants and they would thrive. Now there’s even some scientific evidence of that. When energy is put towards an object – in particular there’s been some research done on fauna with this concept – if the energy is positive then it will help it to thrive and grow. If you believe in that, then the thinking and visualising process is the part of talking to plants positively, with encouragement, touching them and telling them that you want them to grow. It sounds crazy, but a lot of people who I know say it works. But that’s just one part of it. If you only do that and don’t water and feed the plants, then they’re still not going to thrive, as they’re not going to have the life sustaining part of the equation.

By the same token if you just water and feed the plant, it might grow and it might thrive, but if you do the talking to it then you’re actually bringing a new dimension to it. Therefore it’s important to take action, as well as your words, and your thoughts, beliefs and your emotions aligned. But they should be combined and if it’s starting to feel hard, and if it’s starting to feel like a slog, then really revisit that. Your emotions are a good feedback mechanism and if it consistently doesn’t feel right, if it feels stressed, if it feels too pressured and it just doesn’t seem like you’re moving forward, then really re-evaluate what you are doing, because it may mean that it’s time to actually take a different path and a different road.

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Think it, believe it, feel it and then also take that inspired action. Know that what you think, believe and feel, does not have to be just what’s in your realm of possibility and in your world. As you think it and as you believe it, resources and opportunities will come your way that you could never, ever have brought into existence by yourself.

What has your experience been?

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