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Month: September 2019

Respectful curiosity

 

 

Anger, conflict and misunderstandings are part of life-especially in organisations. If you replace accusations and angry tones with respectful curiosity, you may be surprised at the results.

Ever have someone do something that led you to think: ‘what were you thinking?

I think most of us have been there at one time or another.  Maybe you find yourself rolling your eyes every time they speak at a team meeting because you are sure they are trying to undermine you with their comments. Nothing ever changes, so you just keep pushing the anger and frustration down deeper.

Prolonging these reactions can lead to patterns that are not helpful for office productivity or team harmony.

A few years ago, after listening to a number of similar scenarios from friends, colleagues and clients- and experiencing them myself-I set out to find a healthy way of dealing with these situations.

I realised that if we are curious about something, it takes us from a place of judgement and moves us to a place of genuine enquiry. I created the term respectful curiosity.

If ask what is curious, your mind and brain are focused on information gathering rather than emotion fueled judgement. The respectful part of it is a reminder not to pry into personal areas or ask questions that are not relevant to the situation at hand. With curiosity, our tone of voice is one of interest, and our questions are not accusing. The result? The other person is less likely to be defensive and the conversation is more likely to be constructive and actually could build your relationship with that person.

What opportunities do you have to apply respectful curiosity?

Share your successes with us!

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Do what you love

Have you outgrown something that you keep hanging on to?

Sometimes we just do it out of habit.

Other times we feel like we must keep persevering. In our heart of hearts we no longer have the desire to be part of it.

It seems safer to just stay in the comfort zone. Rather than have the courage to leave something behind – move to new territory. Spare the potential conflict.  Just stay in ‘vanilla land’ well beyond the use by date. And we all know that is the kiss of death or at least mediocrity.

I’m not suggesting that the minute you find something or someone frustrating or stressful that you move on. But you know when it is time.

If you find consistently something is no longer working. A product or service you have been offering seems to no longer the right thing.  And you’ve lost your passion for it. Or a group you are part of is no longer serving you. Or a negative person who takes takes takes and rarely encourages or supports you. Look at those things and do things differently.

A process on the path that usually is preparing you for the next step.  When you let go, this creates space. And suddenly other more aligned people. Groups and opportunities come your way.

Some will be ones that will tell you not to do it. Just keep going along the regular path. Often those people are just jealous of the fact you have the guts to move forward.

I’ve gone through many changes. Have had to let go of some things and some people, to be open to new opportunities. That crossed my path that at first seemed odd, now seem so well aligned. What about you?

Be brave. Be yourself. And take all of you out into the world!

 

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Ever regret not listening to your gut?

 

Ever regret not listening to your gut?

You have a passing thought of an idea or action you could take.

Or you hear yourself say, ‘Someone should create a product or service that fills this gap.’ And then wonder if you could be that someone.

And there you stand at the crossroad.

One voice says ‘Give it a go, you’ll never know unless you try.’

And then the other voice interrupts the first voice with:

Are you kidding?

You really need to think that through.

Get more training.

It’s gotta be perfect before you’d release it to the world.

It could take months or years to get it right.

Well, in recent times, I’ve recognized that second voice as my subconscious trying to keep me safe by playing small and sticking to what I’ve always done or known to be a sure thing.

And it feeds nicely into three bad habits of mine:

All or nothing thinking-it’s got to be fully planned and perfect before I put it out there. Make one mistake and scrap the whole thing and start over. Similar to eating one chocolate chip cookie and then finishing the whole pack because I felt I blew my eating plan by that one cookie so I may as well write off the rest of the day. Flawed logic and self sabotage rolled into one!

Fear-oh this has so many faces. What if I fail? What will people think? Will people disapprove? Live a vanilla life and you dodge those fears and are destined to mediocrity. Seize the moment and you’ll find most fears were unfounded and the fears that weren’t are well outstripped by the passion and excitement of taking the next step. The naysayers will drop off and create room for new raving fans.

Overthinking– this is a combination of the other two. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Or thinking about every finite detail that would have to be worked out before you proceed. Both mindsets are a fast track to doing nothing. Sometimes followed by that painful regret of watching someone else who had the courage to act on the very idea you had enjoy great success and support as they followed it through.

Don’t fall into my three mindset traps!

Put yourself out there.

Ask for help.

Be open to a change of direction and be glad you got out there on the court to play the game-even if you are ‘coached’ to change your game plan.

And be prepared for some pleasant surprises!

 

 

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