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What??? Think about what you don’t want?

Using what you don’t want to get clarity

There are a number of paradoxes in the Law of Attraction. One of them is how you use your thoughts about what you don’t want. So many of us get off track with clarity, real clarity about what we want and what we believe our true purpose is.

Click on the image to watch the video.

And remember what to do with your ‘don’t want’ thoughts the rest of the time!

It is surprising how most of us have thoughts of ‘don’t want’ or at least ‘negative things’ just play in our head like they were on shuffle and we really had no control over when it hit our playlist. But our thoughts have momentum. So if we are aware of a negative thought, or doubt, discouragement, resentment, anger, fear we can stop the momentum by turning our thoughts to what we do want and unplugging from the negative thought. 

It is fully up to you?

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Look at what we have right now

Last week an uneventful drive home morphed into an outside art gallery as I approached the roundabout ten minutes away from my house.

The sky was ablaze with the most glorious rainbow. Full colour, thick lines and the whole arch in view.

It was one of the best rainbows I’d ever seen.

Five minutes had passed and traffic had not moved an inch.  Out of  boredom more than design, I took a quick smartphone shot of the rainbow through my windscreen right before we started to move. Since the smartphone photo (above) captured it fairly well, I could not wait to get home to see what my DSLR would do with this spendid masterpiece of nature.

As I approached my street, the rainbow that so captured my attention had been replaced with dark clouds and pouring rain.

If I had not snapped that smartphone photo and waited for the perfect shot from the professional camera, I would have totally missed capturing the moment.

How often do we do that in life?

  • Not be fully in the present.
  • Not make the very most of what is in front of us.
  • Not make the most of what we have to work with at the moment-even though we know bigger and better things will be at our disposal soon.
  • Not take note of a person around us who could use a smile or an encouraging word to make their day.

I’ve heard mindfulness experts explain how they tell people to stop and be aware of everything in a room, bus, street or wherever they are. Notice the smells. Pay attention to the colours, the textures, the conversations. Be fully present in everything you do, say and listen to.

Seize the moment and make the most of it. Aim for the best but always do the very best with what you have at the moment.

What has your experience been?

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Respectful curiosity

 

 

Anger, conflict and misunderstandings are part of life-especially in organisations. If you replace accusations and angry tones with respectful curiosity, you may be surprised at the results.

Ever have someone do something that led you to think: ‘what were you thinking?

I think most of us have been there at one time or another.  Maybe you find yourself rolling your eyes every time they speak at a team meeting because you are sure they are trying to undermine you with their comments. Nothing ever changes, so you just keep pushing the anger and frustration down deeper.

Prolonging these reactions can lead to patterns that are not helpful for office productivity or team harmony.

A few years ago, after listening to a number of similar scenarios from friends, colleagues and clients- and experiencing them myself-I set out to find a healthy way of dealing with these situations.

I realised that if we are curious about something, it takes us from a place of judgement and moves us to a place of genuine enquiry. I created the term respectful curiosity.

If ask what is curious, your mind and brain are focused on information gathering rather than emotion fueled judgement. The respectful part of it is a reminder not to pry into personal areas or ask questions that are not relevant to the situation at hand. With curiosity, our tone of voice is one of interest, and our questions are not accusing. The result? The other person is less likely to be defensive and the conversation is more likely to be constructive and actually could build your relationship with that person.

What opportunities do you have to apply respectful curiosity?

Share your successes with us!

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Do what you love

Have you outgrown something that you keep hanging on to?

Sometimes we just do it out of habit.

Other times we feel like we must keep persevering. In our heart of hearts we no longer have the desire to be part of it.

It seems safer to just stay in the comfort zone. Rather than have the courage to leave something behind – move to new territory. Spare the potential conflict.  Just stay in ‘vanilla land’ well beyond the use by date. And we all know that is the kiss of death or at least mediocrity.

I’m not suggesting that the minute you find something or someone frustrating or stressful that you move on. But you know when it is time.

If you find consistently something is no longer working. A product or service you have been offering seems to no longer the right thing.  And you’ve lost your passion for it. Or a group you are part of is no longer serving you. Or a negative person who takes takes takes and rarely encourages or supports you. Look at those things and do things differently.

A process on the path that usually is preparing you for the next step.  When you let go, this creates space. And suddenly other more aligned people. Groups and opportunities come your way.

Some will be ones that will tell you not to do it. Just keep going along the regular path. Often those people are just jealous of the fact you have the guts to move forward.

I’ve gone through many changes. Have had to let go of some things and some people, to be open to new opportunities. That crossed my path that at first seemed odd, now seem so well aligned. What about you?

Be brave. Be yourself. And take all of you out into the world!

 

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Ever regret not listening to your gut?

 

Ever regret not listening to your gut?

You have a passing thought of an idea or action you could take.

Or you hear yourself say, ‘Someone should create a product or service that fills this gap.’ And then wonder if you could be that someone.

And there you stand at the crossroad.

One voice says ‘Give it a go, you’ll never know unless you try.’

And then the other voice interrupts the first voice with:

Are you kidding?

You really need to think that through.

Get more training.

It’s gotta be perfect before you’d release it to the world.

It could take months or years to get it right.

Well, in recent times, I’ve recognized that second voice as my subconscious trying to keep me safe by playing small and sticking to what I’ve always done or known to be a sure thing.

And it feeds nicely into three bad habits of mine:

All or nothing thinking-it’s got to be fully planned and perfect before I put it out there. Make one mistake and scrap the whole thing and start over. Similar to eating one chocolate chip cookie and then finishing the whole pack because I felt I blew my eating plan by that one cookie so I may as well write off the rest of the day. Flawed logic and self sabotage rolled into one!

Fear-oh this has so many faces. What if I fail? What will people think? Will people disapprove? Live a vanilla life and you dodge those fears and are destined to mediocrity. Seize the moment and you’ll find most fears were unfounded and the fears that weren’t are well outstripped by the passion and excitement of taking the next step. The naysayers will drop off and create room for new raving fans.

Overthinking– this is a combination of the other two. Thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Or thinking about every finite detail that would have to be worked out before you proceed. Both mindsets are a fast track to doing nothing. Sometimes followed by that painful regret of watching someone else who had the courage to act on the very idea you had enjoy great success and support as they followed it through.

Don’t fall into my three mindset traps!

Put yourself out there.

Ask for help.

Be open to a change of direction and be glad you got out there on the court to play the game-even if you are ‘coached’ to change your game plan.

And be prepared for some pleasant surprises!

 

 

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Slow down

 

Why would you slow down?

Yeah, I know a lot of people are telling us to buy this.

Purchase that to make our business better.

Get this half price to be sure 2018 is a great start.

And it goes on and on.

Yes, of course there are many things that sound good, but I think for many of us, it is time for us to STOP and slow down!

Now I’m not talking about slowing down and doing nothing. Not at all.

I am saying stop long enough to think about what you really want to do and think about how you possibly already have the way to start.

And how many of you like me have done things that people have asked me to do even though it was not part of what my key focus area was. And in many cases, it just took me off the path that I knew was the one that I was supposed to be on.

So when I am saying slow down, I’m thinking of shutting down all the white noise and listen to what I really want to do. And know that that is what I’ve been called to do and I need to keep on that path and say ‘no’ to people who want me to do other things for them, but they aren’t the focus that I know I need to stay on.

This year, I did do some of the things that were my focus but there were many other things that caused me to go off my path. And it meant that so many of my things got watered down and really did not get started well.

This year, I have resigned from one of my 9 year contracts. I knew it was the right time. And I have already said ‘no’ to some things that people said ‘Oh Linda, shall we consider partnering with xxx?’ And my answer is ‘no’.

And what happened? Already I’ve got a few young people to mentor (the millenials are the key group that I will still be part of), getting a film crew that is already a possibility, writing my next book and working on my wellness advocate business which I have found so many to be wellbeing.

I’m going to write more about slowing down. But this is just a start.

I hear more and more people talking about slowing down. De-cluttering. And making sure that life is not just on the internet but that there are many great times to catch up with people for fun, for dreams and for making sure we are doing what we know is our plan and not letting others take us off the path.

And yes, slowing down does not mean that you have to skimp on things or not get things you love. But it is about making sure what you do get is what you know is fun for you, fully enjoying it and not just getting it because it means more material things for you that people admire.

What will you do differently in 2018 to be sure that you are on the path you know is the one that has been given to you.

 

 

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What? Work harder doesn’t always lead to success?

Working harder does not necessarily lead to your success.

Now don’t get me wrong. We need to put in high quality work and sometimes that does mean long hours, hard work and pushing through even when fatigued.

But what I’ve found when I’ve coached many entrepreneurs, managers in organisations, staff wanting to get ahead and even volunteers- is that they often work harder and harder and wonder why others-who often are not as skilled as they are-get the opportunity. Or the promotion. Or the chance to attend or speak at a conference.

And why is that?

Often because those who get ahead are on LinkedIn. They take time to keep their profiles and a positive work history up to date. And when they change focus they adapt the profile to what currently lines up with who they want to connect with. Or clients or collaborations they would like to attract.

In today’s world we must take time to first, get on-line and secondly pay attention to our on-line profile, posts, comments and community building.

I even go as far to say it doesn’t matter if you are just a local florist. A local graphic artist. A senior manager or employee in any size public or private organisation. Or an entrepreneur who works out of a brick and mortar building or mainly on line. You must have an up to date presence on-line.

Why?

Because you never know how a global presence may present itself.

I have lost count of the number of people who have been approached on LinkedIn to be interviewed for a role in a country they always wanted to move to. Or approached for a perfect job in their own city. Or given an opportunity to speak at a conference. Or write an article. Or moving to a country or interstate that they’ve noticed a local graphic artist on LinkedIn whose profile is a great match with what they want and contact them to do business with them.

It is obviously just one spoke in the wheel of getting noticed but I am amazed at the number of people who either don’t keep their profiles up to date, or only have 2 connections and a work history that starts at 3 years ago. This can be more damaging than just staying off the platform.

So where do you begin?

  • Check your profile and be sure it is up to date and written in the tone that attracts the right people.
  • Review your work history and if you are moving into a new direction, think about aspects of your former work history that may have some aspect of skills or tasks that are now what you want to do full time.
  • Join relevant groups in LinkedIn that have people you want to connect with more. Make contributions in the group which demonstrate your knowledge and in some cases thought leadership.
  • Write supportive comments to people aligned with your direction.
  • Write occasional articles to post on LinkedIn to again give people some valuable information that will help them.
  • If you aren’t on LinkedIn start writing a brief profile summary and work history and think about others you want to connect with and invite them to connect.

And most importantly be authentic and true to yourself in what you write in your history, your profile and your comments.

Sound like a lot of pressure? This actually can be done fairly quickly and present yourself in a way that makes you shine authentically. Adaire Palmer and I are running a workshop in Adelaide on Saturday January 22nd to give you tips and strategies for Facebook and LinkedIn that will have you leave with easy tools to either get started or uplevel how you can get noticed even better on these platforms.

Want more info? Click on the It’s Our Time Workshop link.

As I often say to clients and students I teach in grad school you’ve got to Get noticed for the right reasons in the right way by the right people. You don’t want to be invisible. And you don’t want to be pushy. You want to build a community and let people know what you have to offer. We need you and your work!

If you want your LinkedIn profile reviewed, updated and edited or written, email me at linda@lindachaousis.com  As a writer and coach I help people get noticed in an authentic way and I have a special offer for Jan and Feb.

And here’s to everyone’s success in 2017!

Linda Chaousis

Author | Mentor | Educator | Wellness Advocate

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Silence is not always golden

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It’s amazing how quickly something exciting and fun can change in an instant.

I went to the airport to pick up my daughter and her husband. I love airports so that is always fun anyway. And picking up my daughter and her husband was even more fun. And as I waited in the security line most of the people ahead of me had Emirates tags which meant they were headed for Dubai. I just loved seeing all those Emirates tags knowing one day I would be back to my beloved Middle East.

So it was all good.

The security conveyer belt had been halted so we kind of got backed up. In front of me was an adorable Indian family with two adorable children who were trying to put their own bags on the conveyer belt and they were kind of crowded around as the family stayed together. I admired them and the adorable daughter who the mother said was in her gold princess gown even though they were about to have a 14 hour flight. She wanted to wear her princess gown. She looked adorable and you could see she loved wearing it.

So it was such a happy and wonderful time.

And then one comment totally changed my inner emotions.

Behind me an older couple said (about me and the family in front of me) ‘People keep pushing in the line and that’s not right.’ And then the lady put her carry on bag behind the family’s baggage so I had no room to put my handbag on the conveyer belt. When I put it there she tried to push her luggage into my handbag.

This made me so angry and it changed my internal thinking for the rest of the time at the airport. There was a small flicker of being pissed off as I excitedly waited to meet my daughter and her husband.

So what was that about? Why did it make me so angry? Why could I just not let it go?

And then I realised something. I think it was a lesson I needed to learn. Others would have just dismissed the comment. But you see, I think God/Universe was teaching me something. And that is that I need to speak up more. State my case. And not just be silent to keep the peace.

Now of course this is not about every little thing that happens.

Most things I do just let go. And most of the time I am actually a genuine encourager of others and love doing it.

But tonight it was a different lesson. It was about all those times I just let people get away with judgements that aren’t correct.

Again, this is not an always thing.

Most times I just let things go, but tonight it was a lesson.

I realised I should have said to them (because it made me so angry and they were actually the ones pushing) ‘We have all been in this line from the beginning and you are the one who pushed in so I could not put my bag on.’

Some of you may think ‘Gee Linda, you are so petty.’ But I think it was God/Universe telling me at times I needed to speak up more and respect what I was doing. It was a stupid scenario in some ways, but for me it was a lesson to me to remember to be more assertive (politely but direct) so people know where I stand in some situations.

What about you? What are some of the lessons you learn in the most simple situations that others don’t even give a second thought to. But you know somehow you are being given a lesson to help you grow more and step more into who you really are.

Be true to yourself. Listen to those nudges. And take on board those lessons. Even if everyone else says ‘Really? You find that frustrating?’ Because for you, it is an opportunity to take one step further to the real you.

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What filter do you use for your world?

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Recently I was at a pot luck dinner. The conversation at the table was great. I got to know those around me a bit more and found their lives so interesting.

We had lots of laughs and it was such a great example of participating in a great local community.

We all saw life through a very positive filter -not stupid positive like ‘oh the house is burning down but it is warm’ kind of positive- but one that focuses first on what is working and what is good.

And what we focus on expands so often if we look first to what is working we find some of the negative stuff just fades and we find more and more to be grateful for.

Good stuff, right?

In the middle of the meal, one person moved to be in our conversation and my oh my, what a black filter he had on life.

He complained about the GFC. How awful it was and how it had been brewing for years to return. And how bad was that going to be!

Oh and those dangerous neighbourhoods in Melbourne where he lived for 8 years were awful. He made sure he did not drive through those areas day or night.

And Adelaide was not much different. Depressed economy and lots of people struggling and the same in Melbourne. Not good places to live.

WHAT? Really?

Now all those facts may be true, but by focussing on them, you could feel the negative energy consume our table.

It’s not that we dismiss the negative things but we first look at what is good, what is working and enjoy all those things first. This is not some hocus pocus. We are energy and surrounded by energy so what our thoughts and emotions regularly go out as is what we attract back to us.

Yes, there are issues.

Yes there are problems.

And yes there are some people in very difficult situations that we need to help if we can.

But using a regular filter of negativity just takes ‘pictures’ of negative stuff and the more we use that negative filter the more we take more of those photos and spread more negative energy to our lives and others. How’s that helping anyone?

If we have a filter that looks at the strengths and the good things first, we find we get more and more pictures of that which keeps things in perspective.

As we have that mindset we are in a much better position to help people who are in tough situations. While also helping ourselves to get out of challenging situations by first seeing all that is good around us and then working on how to move beyond the challenges.

So what filter do you look through your world with?

Do you start with what is good or do you just always see the negative and become a serial complainer?

Either way is contagious so what filter do you want to have on in your life?

 

 

 

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Do you ever feel invisible?

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Or have a huge anger-fuelled dislike at a person who is manipulative, sarcastic or dishonest and gets away with it?

Do you sometimes feel like people ignore you and speak to everyone else when you are in a group?

Or overlook what you say?

Or worse interrupt you and just dismiss your comments and then carry on with their viewpoints?

Or perhaps even criticise what you believe in?

Even though I do public speaking, teaching, active social media and love nurturing communities, from time to time I will experience all of the above.

Masters of Flip
Of all the hundreds of people in my world, there are only a few who piss me off or annoy me because they are habitually manipulative,
narcissistic, dismissive or sarcastic. They make me angry because of all that they have arrogantly done to cause pain and dishonesty to me and others. Or just send an unnecessary sarcastic barb or two my way in a rather sick sense of humour. I’ve started to apply a new technique to this one.

I don’t know if you watch the show Masters of Flip (click on the link to see the show) or some of the other flip shows that are on 9Life here in Australia. But what they do is take a run-down house and flip it by re-modelling it into something fantastic.

Flip it from very bad-and many others think it is beyond repair-to turning it into a masterpiece of a house.

If I’m in a situation where I feel invisible, dismissed or just pissed off at one of the people I described above, I’ve started a new thing that I call flip it.

Flipping it at the mall–after my negative approach

Here’s how it works. Earlier in the week I walked past one of the few who pisses me off as I was walking through the shopping mall. The person was talking to other people, so it was easy for me to walk by and ignore her instead of saying hi and congratulating her on having their second child.

My mind immediately started playing the negative tape of ‘I can’t believe she and her partner regularly get away with so much lack of integrity.’ ‘And I pity those kids being raised in that house.’ and on and on.

And then I stopped and thought ‘Who owns that situation? It belongs to them. I do not need to take on that energy or play negative tapes in my head.’

And as I walked past her in the mall and continued on to the coffee shop, I thought flip it.

And I did.

In my head I thought ‘No need to be negative, or unfriendly or ignoring them’. Just be friendly send out the Universal love to that person and have a civil positive conversation and move on.’ I don’t need offer to have lunch or coffee with them.

When I get the sarcastic barb from another friend, I just flip it and in my head send the energy back to them. They own it, I don’t.

Flip it and change your internal energy

As I flip the internal energy to dissolve the negative thoughts and emotions I just express love and kindness in my heart to everyone. I don’t have to like what they do, or be angry at their lack of integrity, manipulation or sarcasm.

I just have to have a positive internal energy that says ‘not my circus not my monkey’ so I won’t invest emotions or opinions in their questionable behaviour and values. I will focus on positive energy and be friendly and civil and then move on.

Remember having a negative response, attitude or action is only the first response, it is what you do after that makes a difference.

Hang on to the negativity and you just attract more negativity to you.

Realise that you should flip it and you’ll find a new perspective and the next time you come across that person or situation you will respond with theflip (positive internal energy) instead of the negative energy.

What amazed me was when I did the flip I suddenly felt like I was walking on air right there in the mall. There was an increased internal excitement and energised view of life. I had a new sense of appreciation for everything I took in.

I know some of it was psychological clearing space. You clear space in your mind and make room for the good stuff. Clearing the negative energy inside invites in more positive emotions and energy. 

And what followed the rest of the week-which I believe is due to clearing the internal negative space is I’ve had four catch ups with friends-some I haven’t caught up with in awhile- that have been amazing, vibration raising and leading to some exciting things.

Flip regrets

As I’ve replayed a few recent-some of them major- regrets of feeling excluded or invisible, I’ve realised  if I had done the Master of Flip and changed myinternal perception and reached out to the person or people it probably would have turned things around-because after all, it is all energy and what we put out we attract.

Flipping it will not always lead to a positive interaction with the person or the situation but it will raise your mindset to a positive one and keep you from lapsing into feeling like a victim and instead be assured you did the best you could.

The get noticed program will help you flip even more

I have coached many people who have shared similar experiences and all of them in one way or another want to be valued, acknowledged and get noticed in an authentic, integrity driven way. It’s part resilience, part mindset, part being yourself and part skills development around influence and appreciation marketing.

In mid July I will be launching a signature program called Get Noticed for the Right Reasons in the Right Way by the Right People. It won’t ‘be a look at me, look at me’ program, it will be a wholistic program around all the above topics.

Have fun being a master of flip and notice the good things that happen!

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