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Linda Chaousis Posts

Do you ever feel invisible?

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Or have a huge anger-fuelled dislike at a person who is manipulative, sarcastic or dishonest and gets away with it?

Do you sometimes feel like people ignore you and speak to everyone else when you are in a group?

Or overlook what you say?

Or worse interrupt you and just dismiss your comments and then carry on with their viewpoints?

Or perhaps even criticise what you believe in?

Even though I do public speaking, teaching, active social media and love nurturing communities, from time to time I will experience all of the above.

Masters of Flip
Of all the hundreds of people in my world, there are only a few who piss me off or annoy me because they are habitually manipulative,
narcissistic, dismissive or sarcastic. They make me angry because of all that they have arrogantly done to cause pain and dishonesty to me and others. Or just send an unnecessary sarcastic barb or two my way in a rather sick sense of humour. I’ve started to apply a new technique to this one.

I don’t know if you watch the show Masters of Flip (click on the link to see the show) or some of the other flip shows that are on 9Life here in Australia. But what they do is take a run-down house and flip it by re-modelling it into something fantastic.

Flip it from very bad-and many others think it is beyond repair-to turning it into a masterpiece of a house.

If I’m in a situation where I feel invisible, dismissed or just pissed off at one of the people I described above, I’ve started a new thing that I call flip it.

Flipping it at the mall–after my negative approach

Here’s how it works. Earlier in the week I walked past one of the few who pisses me off as I was walking through the shopping mall. The person was talking to other people, so it was easy for me to walk by and ignore her instead of saying hi and congratulating her on having their second child.

My mind immediately started playing the negative tape of ‘I can’t believe she and her partner regularly get away with so much lack of integrity.’ ‘And I pity those kids being raised in that house.’ and on and on.

And then I stopped and thought ‘Who owns that situation? It belongs to them. I do not need to take on that energy or play negative tapes in my head.’

And as I walked past her in the mall and continued on to the coffee shop, I thought flip it.

And I did.

In my head I thought ‘No need to be negative, or unfriendly or ignoring them’. Just be friendly send out the Universal love to that person and have a civil positive conversation and move on.’ I don’t need offer to have lunch or coffee with them.

When I get the sarcastic barb from another friend, I just flip it and in my head send the energy back to them. They own it, I don’t.

Flip it and change your internal energy

As I flip the internal energy to dissolve the negative thoughts and emotions I just express love and kindness in my heart to everyone. I don’t have to like what they do, or be angry at their lack of integrity, manipulation or sarcasm.

I just have to have a positive internal energy that says ‘not my circus not my monkey’ so I won’t invest emotions or opinions in their questionable behaviour and values. I will focus on positive energy and be friendly and civil and then move on.

Remember having a negative response, attitude or action is only the first response, it is what you do after that makes a difference.

Hang on to the negativity and you just attract more negativity to you.

Realise that you should flip it and you’ll find a new perspective and the next time you come across that person or situation you will respond with theflip (positive internal energy) instead of the negative energy.

What amazed me was when I did the flip I suddenly felt like I was walking on air right there in the mall. There was an increased internal excitement and energised view of life. I had a new sense of appreciation for everything I took in.

I know some of it was psychological clearing space. You clear space in your mind and make room for the good stuff. Clearing the negative energy inside invites in more positive emotions and energy. 

And what followed the rest of the week-which I believe is due to clearing the internal negative space is I’ve had four catch ups with friends-some I haven’t caught up with in awhile- that have been amazing, vibration raising and leading to some exciting things.

Flip regrets

As I’ve replayed a few recent-some of them major- regrets of feeling excluded or invisible, I’ve realised  if I had done the Master of Flip and changed myinternal perception and reached out to the person or people it probably would have turned things around-because after all, it is all energy and what we put out we attract.

Flipping it will not always lead to a positive interaction with the person or the situation but it will raise your mindset to a positive one and keep you from lapsing into feeling like a victim and instead be assured you did the best you could.

The get noticed program will help you flip even more

I have coached many people who have shared similar experiences and all of them in one way or another want to be valued, acknowledged and get noticed in an authentic, integrity driven way. It’s part resilience, part mindset, part being yourself and part skills development around influence and appreciation marketing.

In mid July I will be launching a signature program called Get Noticed for the Right Reasons in the Right Way by the Right People. It won’t ‘be a look at me, look at me’ program, it will be a wholistic program around all the above topics.

Have fun being a master of flip and notice the good things that happen!

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Encourage and support others

Get noticed tip #2

I’ve started a series of graphics called ‘Get Noticed Tips’. There will be one a day for 30 days.
I am developing a signature on-line and face to face program called Get Noticed for the Right Reasons in the Right Way by the Right People.

This is not a ‘look at me look at me’ hype type initiative. It is to help all of us find the best ways to get noticed personally for who we really are. Appreciated for who we are. Find the right clients and have business and career success. And fully confident just to be ourselves even though some people won’t like it. Which starts with us being true to ourselves. 

Get noticed in your business or career in an authentic way to be known for your skills, services and products that can help the right people. If they don’t know your skills or what you do in your business, then you will miss some opportunities. ( I have coached executives, managers, students and general staff about these issues.) And we all know people who are pushy and just turn us off from their services and we are so afraid to be like them that many of us just stay in the background. Time to get noticed!

Know who the right people are for you to connect with. People who tear you down or try to compete with you if you are doing similar work or have a similar business are not going to succeed for very long and you walk away from them. Celebrate the successes of others in your same field, business or job, even if you are still at the beginning or not as successful as they are and you will build strong, supportive relationships. Be real, be supportive and encouraging and you’ll go a lot further.

And then there are the skills we need to develop. Networking, promoting/marketing in an authentic way, understand our influence abilities and how to use the influence model, resilience when people are critical and competitive, and many more topics. So each tip will give you a daily taste of what you can do to get noticed in a good way and find the right people, right clients, right career opportunities and right work-life balance and family and friends time.

I’ve taught and coached aspects of this for many years and am so excited about putting it all together to help you. And there will be some awesome guest speakers! Starts mid July when the new financial year begins. Fresh start. Clean slate and woo hoo what a way to start the year!

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Are you hanging on to something you’ve outgrown?

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Have you outgrown something that you keep hanging on to?

Sometimes we just do it out of habit.

Other times we feel like we must keep persevering even though in our heart of hearts we no longer have the desire to be part of it, do it or relate to the person we may have moved on from.

Safer in the comfort zone?
And sometimes it seems safer to just stay in the comfort zone rather than have the courage to leave something behind and move to new territory. Spare the potential conflict and just stay in ‘vanilla land’ well beyond the use by date. And we all know that is the kiss of death or at least mediocrity.

I’m not suggesting that the minute you find something or someone frustrating or stressful that you move on.

If it ain’t working it may be time to move on
But if you find consistently something is no longer working. Or a product or service you have been offering sometimes seems to have faded for you and you’ve lost your passion for it. Or a group you are part of is no longer serving you. Or a negative focussed person who takes takes takes and rarely encourages or supports you continues to drain you. These all may be a signs you’ve outgrown the thing, group or person.

For a period of time the service, product, person or client group was right for you. But it doesn’t have to be forever. When you outgrow something it doesn’t mean it wasn’t right at the time or that you made a mistake. It’s just a process on the path that usually is preparing you for the next step toward your aspired goal or dream. When you let go, this creates space. And suddenly other more aligned people, groups and opportunities come your way.

How will you step up the second half of the year?
As mid-year approaches this is a perfect time to evaluate your choices and make the brave step to move on if that is what you know is the most true to yourself.

And those who criticise you for doing that or telling you your new venture will fail, just need to be ignored. Often those people are just jealous of the fact you have the guts to move forward and up and up when they don’t have the courage to do it so like to have everyone just stay where they are.

Fear is usually just a thought that becomes reality if you focus on it.
Don’t let fear freeze you into staying where you are when you have a big vision and perspective about what is next. Remember the fear acronym of False Evidence Appearing Real. Most fears are unfounded and as we just push beyond them we find they dissolve pretty quickly in most cases because they were just imagined and not real.

I’ve gone through many changes in the early part of this year and have had to let go of some things and some people, be open to new opportunities that crossed my path that at first seemed odd, but now seem so well aligned. What about you?

Be brave. Be yourself. And take all of you out into the world!

WHAT’S ON
NETWORKING: ENTREPRENEURS WITH PASSION PURPOSE AND PROFIT GOALS
There is an awesome meetup group (currently meeting in Adelaide but I will organise meetups in other states) called Entrepreneurs with Purpose, Passion and Profit Goals.
We’ve got two events planned in June that are just about to be confirmed. There is a Facebook group of the same name where I share resources, events and we all have some great interactions. And I’m going to interview group members to be part of my new iTunes podcast about to be launched. Great stuff! Like to join us? Click on the link  to join the Facebook Group Purpose, Passion and Profit Goals

WRITING WORKSHOP
I have been asked by a number of people if I could run a writing workshop. There are many options out there for writing and many have said since I’ve written 6 books for international publishers who approached me, self published one book, written blogs, magazine articles and e-books, they’d like to hear from me the options and my experience and potential advice. So I’ve organised a workshop in my home in relaxing Coromandel Valley for 7 people on Friday June 17. It will be 9:30-2:30 (hopefully to work around most school pick ups and drop offs.) there will be lunch, healthy snacks and resources I will gather to help guide you in the path most aligned with you. I’ll put out a promo next week. If you are interested since there are limited places, email me at linda@lindachaousis.com. Cost will be $67.00 AUD.

LINKEDIN PROFILE
Coming soon will be my signature program called Get Noticed that will align with my about to be launched podcast of the same name.

One of the first steps in getting noticed is to have an up to date LinkedIn Profile regardless of what business you are in. Even if you are the local florist in your hometown and don’t want to go global, being on LinkedIn could have people recommend you, some want to interview you and others connect with you and give you feedback. All of which strengthens your brand, business success and focus. I have written a number of promo statements for people and have drafted or edited their LinkedIn profile. If you are interested in having this done, just email me at linda@lindachaousis.com and we can organise a half hour Skype or Zoom call to find out how you want to be represented. Special May offer $67.00 for review (normally $97.00) and $97.00 for writing your profile (normally $150.00).

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What will you paint on your blank canvas this year?

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Now that Jan 1st has come and gone some of us find our goals or dreams getting a little wobbly. We started with a blank canvas, perhaps had a concept of the picture of our life for 2016 but somehow getting the paint brushes and colours (goals and actions) in gear seems to have slowed down.

It seemed so possible and exciting a few weeks ago, but now life has stepped in and yes, we’re still on track but not as strong as we were.

Does any of that sound familiar?

I’ve started this year to think about habits I can further develop to more consistently work toward my goals and dreams, have fun, balance my life and ramp up my wellbeing. Tall order if you’ve got to do it all at once!

 

But one small step at a time can make big progress over time.

 

Most of you know I am an accredited Law of Attraction coach and facilitator as well as a business coach and graduate school lecturer in leadership at a top ranked University. And they all link together.

Any success in any field if it is going to be big and sustained, starts with the foundation of understanding that we are energy, the world is energy and what we focus on expands. What we continue to put out in terms of thoughts, beliefs. emotions and actions are what we attract back to us because like matches likeand thoughts, beliefs and emotions are all energy.

As I’ve said before neuroscience calls it mental rehearsal, psychology calls it the self-fulfilling prophecy, quantum physics calls it leveraging the energetic field and metaphysics calls it law of attraction. They really are basically the same,

So what does this mean for achieving goals? It means there are a range of mindset, wellbeing, barrier-reducing habits we can develop to be clearer channels for reaching those goals.

I recently heard Bishop TD Jakes share his 5 pillars for happiness. I think this is a great framework to start with. I’ve used his headings and put in my own interpretation of them.

Take responsibility for your own happiness
Don’t let others influence your outlook on life. Listen to their perspectives but don’t be drawn into their negative energy.

Challenge your own story
What do you tell yourself about your life path, your ability and your potential for success? Many of us have limited stories about our life that are from the past and are no longer relevant for the present or future. Do you need to change your story to stop playing small and unleash your full potential? Start with the story you really want to write from here to the future.

Enjoy the journey-don’t wait til you get to the destination
So many say ‘oh when I get that big house, or that big raise, or lose that weight then I’ll be perfectly content.’ But it is more about enjoying the journey, what you learned, the small successes along the way that lead to reaching the goal that are rewarding. Reaching the goal is awesome but it is more like a single event than the multitude of great experiences all along the journey.

Make relationships count
Enjoy your relationship with yourself first and people will respond positively to you. If you don’t believe in yourself, others won’t either. Follow that with building productive relationships that you keep with others. Stay in touch. Get together with them. Collaborate when possible. Encourage. Ask for help. We don’t succeed as solitary islands. It is in the connections in relationships that we build success.

Balance work with play
Oh this is such a biggie for so many of us (yup, raising my hand on that one!) and fun and play help relieve stress and get us into a frame of mind that can often bring up solutions.

Positive emotions are the foundation for building on our success.

Many have asked me, ‘Where do I start?’

Imagine if you could take a month and experience some of the small habits that will help you get those goals and dreams into your life?I’m excited to share with you a 4 week 30 Day New Habits New Life Project that I developed to give you a great place to start.

Each week has a theme: goal achievement, wellbeing, releasing barriers and digging deeper. They are all habits I’ve applied (some I need to reinforce more!) and found them so helpful for me to stay on track for achieving my goals-big and small!

Click on the image above or the button below for more details and how to sign up. 
I’m offering all of you a special price of $19.95. The public price is $24.95.The first one started January 31st and the second one will start April 1!
And for 4 weeks you will get
  • booklet the first week with the 30 habits (there are many more than 30 habits but this is a good start!).
  • An email at the beginning of each of the 4 weeks with the habits to apply for that week and a Habit Tracker.
  • On each Thursday a group coaching webinar to further help you along and answer any questions.(will be recorded in audio and video).
  • private Facebook group with a daily posting of tips for the habit of the day.
  • Special bonus at the end.

I hope 2016 is off to a great start for you and look forward to working with those of you who join the 30 day project! I’m going to follow it as well because I need to reinforce some of those habits that have faded!
Let’s all start painting on our blank canvas what we dreamed about and aimed for coming in to 2016.
Best wishes for a life of purpose, meaning, abundance and fun!

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Oh no! Not THAT question!

What a great time of year to take stock, plan ahead and hit the ground running (with some self care and relaxation as well!) into 2016 whatever your business, personal or financial goals are.

I talk to so many people of all ages who say ‘You know, I’m ok with what I’m doing but I feel like there just has to be more.

It feels like an endless treadmill at times and I sometimes feel like I’m on autopilot instead of fully engaging with and enjoying life.’

It starts with that question that can either excite you or make your want to run the other way as you think ‘oh no, here we go again, that BIG question that just stresses me out at times.’

And what is that question?

‘What is my purpose?’

For lots of people that question stresses them.Makes them feel inadequate at times.

Makes them wonder if they should be doing something different.

And sometimes makes them think ‘OMG I’ve got family, work, social, study responsibilities with hardly any time to myself and I’m supposed to find my purpose?

You’ve got to be joking.

And what about the fact that I have a number of skills and interests that all interest me? Am I really supposed to narrow it down to ONE purpose?’ (the answer is no, all of your skills and interests combine to lead you to your purpose).

I understand.

And as many of you know, I often refer to the get real factor.  I think that’s what transforms feeling inadequate, stressed and not sure if you are on the right path to ”Phew! I’ve got this! I get it! And it’s not some big giant airy fairy thing. It’s real, it’s based on science and it brings amazing results in MY real life context.”

We’ve got bills to pay. Families to look after. Rent or mortgage, insurance and many other overheads that mean we need to earn a stable income.  For many of us that also means earning an income in a job that enables us to spend quality time with our children and partners during this phase of life-even if it is not our ideal job-or even close to it.

And what do you do if you ‘discover’ your purpose?  It’s unlikely (even though some suggest this) that you can just pack your bags and take the next flight to the life of your dreams. So if that’s not gonna happen why set myself up for disappointment by even thinking about it?

There is a middle ground.
You know…. the one that actually fits into real life!

One that often opens unexpected doors as you continue to follow it, even if you start with just 15 minutes a week as you continue with your real life of responsibilities, work and family priorities.

It’s important to spend a bit of time thinking about what lights you up.

Why? Well there are a few reasons.

One is that research shows if you spend some time doing what you get ‘lost’ in, it makes it much harder to experience burn out. You’re contributing to your well being, most likely opening doors to future opportunities and spending a bit of time doing something that has you so in the flow that you feel a sense of stress relief and relaxation away from the daily grind. It doesn’t have to be hours. It can be just 15-20 minutes to start.

Another reason is that you were brought here with unique gifts, talents and skills you’re meant to share with others to help you grow and evolve and to help others. When you use those skills you feel in the flow. It feels right, aligned, connected and fun. And often others will thank you for what you”ve shared or given and some will connect you to further opportunities to do more of it!

An anchored ship can not be steered. Once it pulls up anchor, it can be directed as it moves through the ocean. Same with you. You have to take the first steps in the direction you desire and you’ll be guided through situations, inner gut feelings and surprise opportunities that would never have happened if you just sat on your sofa waiting for opportunities to show up.

I’ve heard one father describe how he got up early before their newborn baby woke up to spend 15 minutes each morning working on his book. In a month he had a good portion of the book written and when published it went on to be a big seller.

I watched a single mother on TV describe how although, working full time while caring for her three children and managing the house, she found 30 minutes a week to follow her passion of writing poetry. As the half hours fulfilled her, she found more blocks of time in her week (while still being a great mother and employee!) and in a short amount of time was doing poetry reading at the local library and was gaining a reputation as a great poet. She felt fulfilled and it helped her get through some of the daily pressures of managing work, house and family.

So how do you begin to find that path and take one step toward it?

Write down responses to the following questions. Be real. Be honest. Give yourself permission to dream big.  Give yourself time. Have fun with it! Let it percolate in your mind and revisit the questions. If you knew there would only be success, how would you answer the following questions?

  • What makes me feel alive and fulfilled?
  • What lights me up?
  • What makes time just fly by?
  • What do I really desire-love to do?
  • What would my ideal day or life (if I could wave a magic wand and have it) look like?
  • What type of lifestyle do I need to create and support the life I want?
  • What are some of the first steps I can take?

For many of you, as you start to write down the responses, ideas will come to you. Take a step in that direction and see what unfolds.

If the word purpose seems way too mega mega for you, ignore that word and focus on the answers to those questions. And if you already are doing what you love, then celebrate that and appreciate it.

I’ve always found Wayne Dyer’s quote  ‘Don’t die with the music still inside you’ to be sobering, motivating and exciting all at the same time.

Have fun doing this. Baby steps lead to big outcomes. And let your music out so the world can benefit from what only you can offer!

Between now and the end of the year, I’ll send fortnightly newsletters with further ideas to help you end the year with gratitude and walk into 2016 with great excitement and a sense of infinite possibilites.

My new mantra  and tag line is find your freedom, live your purpose, manifest abundance and always have fun.

Those four phrases are like the numbers on a combination lock that together unlock the very things you desire to achieve and receive.

What is one step you can take to start asking those questions?

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Why you should create space

Do You Create Space in Your Life?

There’s a saying that goes, ‘the universe abhors a vacuum.’ If there is space, then that will create space for what it is that you’re trying to attract into your life, so that it can actually come into your life.

Declutter Your Home and Life

There are a couple of things that I suggest you do to help create space and to start to make room for the things you desire to have in your life. The first one is something that’s a common solution to many problems. Many of us have heard of this concept: decluttering.

Declutter your house, your desk drawers, your wardrobe, your kitchen cupboards, wherever it is that there’s clutter. Because wherever there’s clutter, it’s just clogging up space that’s making it less than possible for things to come into your life.

In particular, declutter areas where you’re looking to have something changed.

If you’re looking for something new in your office, something new in your room, or a few new clothes for the season, declutter and get rid of the things you don’t use or wear any more. Just declutter your room, closet or wardrobe. Because that will actually begin to create that space for the new things to come in. The other thing that happens when you declutter, is that you’re actually releasing that flow of energy. You can feel it when your house is tidy. When your house is decluttered, it feels a lot less stressful, freer and more open.

Right before last Christmas, I actually decluttered a few kitchen cupboards, a little cupboard that was under my stairs and the desk drawers. None of those things were visible.

Yet when my daughter walked into the house at Christmas, she said, ‘Oh the energy here feels different.’ She could feel the difference and yet none of the things that we had decluttered were visible. It really just goes to show you that if you release that energy then new things will come into your life. When I actually decluttered my desk, I ended up getting a brand new desk for an incredible price. My office has now been set up in a way that makes it so much more efficient to work in.

Create Space for Yourself

The second part of creating space is for you. What are you doing for yourself? Are you creating space for yourself internally? Because you need to disconnect from the online, hard-wired world as there’s so many things coming through to us. They come through the news, through computers, through conversations, the hustle and bustle of when we’re out and shopping, or whatever. What are you doing to create space for yourself? Do you give yourself time to just sit and reflect? Do you take time to just quiet your mind down? Meditation helps with that sometimes. For me the beach does it. The beach is quite a restorative place. What is it that you can do to create space internally for you to take away that white noise that just keeps running through your mind? What can you do to really help you centre yourself and really start to think about what it is that you want? What is it that you’ve already achieved? Do you have those moments of reflection?

Creating Space in Your Diary

The third one is a fun one. It’s actually about creating space either in your diary, or your home. It’s about making room physically for something that you want. People will often suggest this. Let’s say you want to go to Hawaii next year in June. Well put that in your diary! Pick out the week that you want to go there and write it in your diary. Hawaii trip. What you’ve done is you’ve created space in your diary for that and you’ve put it there and have made it a real intention to the universe that you’re actually going to go there.

Now you may not have the money, so I always suggest to people, not to go out and buy the tickets when they do this. There’s no point in extending yourself financially. However, there are a lot of things you can do to create that space. For example, you can buy a travel guide about Hawaii. You can also look up hotels online and see which one you’d like to stay at. Someone might say to you after you’ve done this, ‘Oh, you know, we’re going to a wine festival next June, do you want to join us?’ And you’ll be able to say, ‘Actually, no, I’m going to be away.’

So create space in your diary for things that you want to do and what you’ll find is that when you continue to work towards that, opportunities, finances and a whole range of things will come across your path that will make that possible.

Create Space for People

Another really fun story was of a single woman who actually wanted to manifest a partner; attract a partner in her life. She had a two-car garage and one side was really cluttered and filled and the other side was for her car. So she decluttered that side that was filled with a whole bunch of stuff and she made it empty and she said, ‘This will be the one for my new partner.’

I can’t remember how long it took, but within just a short while, she attracted the partner to her life, they got married and his car was parked under the garage in the space that she had cleared.

Other people have done that, you know, with a blank picture frame for someone who they wanted to have in their life. There’s a whole range of ways you can create space and as you create space, then you’re actually making room for the things that you want in your life.

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Have fun with it! Go out and think of how you can create space and have a lot of fun with it and then watch those things start coming into your life.

Where will you start to create space?

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Boomerang boundaries

Boomerang Boundaries – How to Set Boundaries and Not Feel Guilty

It’s the mid way point in the year and a great time to celebrate our successes so far, review our challenges and plan what we need to do moving forward. Something that can be a big barrier to many of us either in business, our workplaces or our families, is setting boundaries. This month’s newsletter is all about the who, what, where and how of setting boundaries and keeping them from boomeranging back to us!

Have you ever set ‘boomerang boundaries’? You know, the types of boundaries that you set, and then a few weeks, a few months later, you just kind of let that boundary drop. You probably did this because you started to question whether you did the right thing, whether you were in the right or wrong. You started to second guess your initial feelings and give in to guilt and other thoughts that you believe are your reason speaking to you.

I recently spoke to a group of women who are senior managers and a few of them raised the challenge of setting a boundary…..and keeping it!  I realised I and many I know have the same challenge. So this video (transcript below if  you’d rather read it) is about how to stop boomerang boundaries.

You may also find my blog post When do you walk away helpful in deciding when, how and why to set boundaries–and how sometimes it is not easy! Click on the title or click here to read it.

The Three Reasons Why We Let Our Guard Down

There are three things that I often apply when I set boundaries. Believe me, these have often turned out to be boomerang boundaries in the end. Just recently, in the last few months I’ve done the same thing. But I am learning! Perhaps a slow learner, but I am learning.

Looking At Patterns

The first reason we do this is we forget to remind ourselves of the pattern of behaviour that led us to set that boundary in the first place.There was a pattern that we noticed over a series of weeks, months or years, where you might have some good interactions with the person, but it always just seems like there’s a little bit of a resentment, undermining or continued taking advantage of your goodwill-and we forget about that and wonder if we are being unfair. And of course, as we drop the boundary, we re-experience why we set it in the first place.

Sometimes with workplace colleagues or a manager, we can’t walk away, but we can set boundaries that show self respect while also respecting the other person.

Observe Your Feelings

The second reason we renege on our initial desire to set the boundary is that we forgot our initial feelings. How do you feel when you’re around that person? We’re often told to not trust our emotions, but there’s a lot of science about the vibrations that go out from our heart and our brain. We actually do pick up signals from that other person!

There may be a person that’s speaking in a very friendly manner to you – their words are very supportive. However, you just get this sense that there’s something not genuine about their words. This happened to me with a person I’ve known for a couple of years. I actively supported and promoted them in many ways. Often my support was returned with silence or petty digs instead of thanks. I now see I was ‘overgiving’.

Sometimes this person said really supportive words to me, but my gut was telling me that there’s something not right here-and their actions and behaviours often told me a different story. Some of their words hinted that they were trying to compete with me or somehow felt they had to send petty digs my way that were unconstructive. My gut was telling me to walk away.

In the end it took me a long time and I would set what I’m calling boomerang boundaries here. I would set a boundary and then I’d kind of go back and support them, support their business, use some of their services. But there just seemed to be something there that made me think, ‘This is not right!’ But in the end I received a huge, strong message from the universe -in a very humorous way-saying, ‘Linda, you’ve done everything you can. You are actually reading it right and so really, set the boundary with this person and stop bringing their energy into your life.’

 Ignore the Guilt

The third reason we go back on our boundaries is because we’re feeling guilty. Sometimes you can feel guilty when you set boundaries with people and what can happen is that they sense that you’ve set the boundaries. They’ve sensed that you’re being firm with them. They’ll come back as nice as they can be to you. And you sometimes can be confused even though in the back of your mind there is still that nagging sense of insincerity.

One of the other things that can happen, especially on social media, is there may be a few other people that support that person and say, ‘They’re so great… they’re so wonderful.’ This is happening with this person that I’ve set boundaries with. For a moment I ended up thinking, maybe I’m reading it wrong. But then I thought, ‘No, my relationship with that person has been that way for some reason.’ They’ve had some resentment, or shown some toxic competitiveness, or something that just makes our interactions, when they seem friendly, somehow incongruent. There’s some undercurrent there that I’m no longer going to be a part of. Therefore it’s really important to be sure that it’s not a false guilt.

I also checked in with a friend who is very honest with me-to be sure I was not being unfair,unkind or overlooking something. I know she’s very insightful about things. When I shared my experience with her, and mentioned that I was thinking about purchasing one more service from that person, my friend said, ‘Absolutely not! Don’t you see the pattern here? You know, you need to just see the pattern here and just say, end of story.’ It was really helpful to consult with my friend, because sometimes you kind of keep second guessing yourself.

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So if you do set boomerang boundaries, first of all don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel like you’re being a weak person. I think most of us set boomerang boundaries from time to time, but just learn from the experience. Think about what the pattern is, what you are feeling. Decide whether you sense something not quite right with your experience with that person. Decide whether you are feeling guilty and whether it is false guilt.

I think what you’ll find is that as you start to set boundaries more and more, it becomes easier to do. As you’ve set boundaries and released that person and that situation you were in, you’ll have such a sense of freedom.

As a result, you’ll create room for more appropriate people to come into your life.

In 2012 I wrote a blog post When do you walk away which gives more insight into when, how and why to set boundaries–and how sometimes it is not easy! Click on the title or click here to read it.

What are your thoughts?

WORTH CHECKING OUT

Are you ready to enter your Second Act?

You know, that time when you’ve gained experience, wisdom and life history that you now want to use to transition to doing what you’ve always wanted to do. Angela Raspass has developed inspiring and motivating resources, coaching and groups to help people discover and then enter their Second Act. I am priviledged to be joined by a number of amazing women who have successfully entered their second act and will share their wisdom, experiences and ups and downs as they broke through to their second act. Click on the button below to get more information and register for the free Second Act Success Summit.

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Visualising vs taking action: how do you choose?

 

Action with Visualisation

Many people ask me about the contrasts between believing something, visualising it and then actually doing something about that thing. They wonder, are you actually supposed to do something or do you just wait for it to happen of its own accord?

I think you need to do a bit of both. You need to believe and then you need to take inspired action.

Believing in Visualisation

There’s certainly a lot of science now, either neuroscience, metaphysics, quantum physics or psychology, which demonstrate that when we repeatedly think a thought and when we put belief and emotion into it, then we actually do start attracting what we want into our life.

It’s about repeating a thought. So if you’re thinking a negative thought, such as, ‘Oh the house is going to burn down,’ that doesn’t mean that the house is suddenly going to catch on fire. However, if you keep repeating that thought and you keep thinking it consistently, you start to believe it, and then it might just happen anyway. It’s the same with the positive things. If you keep on believing in them and you know that you’re always thinking about them, then there’s a greater chance that they might actually happen.

That’s the most important part of it. Visualising is believing. Part of that is knowing that you sometimes visualise things that are not within your realm of possibility at the moment. It might be something that has to happen from other resources that have to come your way from things you could not have orchestrated.

However, I really believe that you were put here to co-create with the universe or with God or whatever you want to call it. We’ve been given skills and passions that we were put here to use and to express as our gift to the world. To use those passions and gifts, we feel fulfilled, so things will come full circle. We feel fulfilled because we’re helping other people. We’re serving other people and we’re encouraging them and it all just kind of wraps together in one beautiful picture.

Putting Your Need to Co-Create Out There

The first part is to think about what it is that you love to do. The whole idea about co-creating is that sometimes people say, ‘I put it out there, so now I’ve just sat back in my lounge or sofa and I’m just waiting for the doorbell to ring and it will come my way.’

Sometimes that might happen, but generally we’re given ideas and thoughts to proceed with and then we take that inspired action, which is to use our gifts and our skills. One of the best examples of the difference between thinking and acting and how you’ve got to do both, is plants. There are people who grow plants that will often say to you that if you talk to plants that will help them grow.

Making Things Thrive Through Intention and Action

When I was growing up my mother always used to talk to her plants and they would thrive. Now there’s even some scientific evidence of that. When energy is put towards an object – in particular there’s been some research done on fauna with this concept – if the energy is positive then it will help it to thrive and grow. If you believe in that, then the thinking and visualising process is the part of talking to plants positively, with encouragement, touching them and telling them that you want them to grow. It sounds crazy, but a lot of people who I know say it works. But that’s just one part of it. If you only do that and don’t water and feed the plants, then they’re still not going to thrive, as they’re not going to have the life sustaining part of the equation.

By the same token if you just water and feed the plant, it might grow and it might thrive, but if you do the talking to it then you’re actually bringing a new dimension to it. Therefore it’s important to take action, as well as your words, and your thoughts, beliefs and your emotions aligned. But they should be combined and if it’s starting to feel hard, and if it’s starting to feel like a slog, then really revisit that. Your emotions are a good feedback mechanism and if it consistently doesn’t feel right, if it feels stressed, if it feels too pressured and it just doesn’t seem like you’re moving forward, then really re-evaluate what you are doing, because it may mean that it’s time to actually take a different path and a different road.

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Think it, believe it, feel it and then also take that inspired action. Know that what you think, believe and feel, does not have to be just what’s in your realm of possibility and in your world. As you think it and as you believe it, resources and opportunities will come your way that you could never, ever have brought into existence by yourself.

What has your experience been?

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SMART goals may not be so smart

Most of us have heard of SMART goals. There are a few combinations of what the letters represent and the one I’m using is below:

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Realistic

Time referenced

It is good to have them specific and measurable, but achievable, realistic and possibly time referenced can limit your ability to soar to the heights of experience, goals and aspirations you desire.

In the short video below, I explain why. Click on the image to watch it.

smart goals

 

Dream big. Dig down to understand what lights you up. What you really desire. And then set those goals, aligning your thoughts, beliefs emotions and actions to see them come to life!

And…..don’t forget..HAVE FUN!

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Valentine’s Day celebration with a twist!

 

I often talk about the fact that what you focus on expands. And I’ve experienced this over and over again. Sometimes in good ways. Sometimes in not so good ways–depending upon what I’m focusing on!

Since Valentine’s Day is a few days away I thought it was the perfect time to share with you a practice I have that is super effective. Especially when:

I’ve been let down

I’m angry at someone

I’m discouraged about money, weight, business, work, you name it

And that practice is to focus on all the things I love. Love is one of the strongest foundations of attracting the life you desire. The more you give out love, the more it expands and brings situations to you that make you feel loved or bring to you people and things to love. Sometimes in those down moments-which we know if we stay in will expand- it is hard to love the person who wronged me, or move up the emotional ladder to ‘happy’ and ‘joy’ over the disappointment in a big job not renewed because of a change of direction or the grief over a young friend struggling with a debilitating illness. Moving up the emotional ladder is not suppressing or trivialising any of those things–it’s moving us into a positive emotional (resilient) state as we address those situations and/or support those who are struggling.

So I focus on what (and who) I love.  My daughters who are kind, generous young women pursuing their dreams. Their wonderful partners–oh what a blessing those two amazing young men are. My husband who is so supportive of all my wild and crazy ventures. My dogs who are such good companions. My tree lined neighbourhood. My house that feels so cozy to us with lots of places to retreat to. My work with University students who are amazing young people. Friday nights at home in the winter relaxing in the warmth after a busy week. The vegan carrot cake cupcake at our local bakery. The life and business transformation my kinesiologist Kerry Rowett has given me. My bed which is so comfortable and means I’m not sleeping on a bench somewhere in the cold but am warm in my own house–sending a prayer to those who are fighting the elements. Running water that I can freely drink from the tap and know is always available for a shower–after a week in a developing country I fully say thank you for this most days. Catch ups with friends who encourage me, make me laugh and who inspire me in so many ways.

As you can see the list could go on and on. And just writing this and remembering those things raised my emotions to a higher level.

So my Valentine’s Day challenge (which I will do as well) is:

On February 14 spend the whole day just noticing the big and little things you love in your life. Maybe write some of them down. Or type them into the notes app on your phone.

And when you look at them or think of them, just hold space for them for a few moments, feeling the emotions of the love for whatever it is you are picturing. Take note of how it expands your positive emotions and be on the lookout for more things to come to you to love. Remember you are a magnet that attracts back to you what you send out-the more you send out, the bigger the magnet is. You may decide that this might be a good habit to adopt maybe one day a week!

And if you want to take it to the next level, write someone a note, or tell them in person how much you appreciate them and love what they’ve done to enrich your life.

Love is the most powerful and still the most unknown energy in the world”.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

 

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